Maybe She's Born with it, maybe it's Surgery!
by Jack Mitchell
Summary: If you hate Buffy you'll like this if you like Buffy you'll hate this. It's kinda like Buffy's worst weekend going on. You may even start off hating her and come out thinking "Maybe I should have been nice to her before she..." well, check it out.


Maybe she's Born with it, Maybe it's Surgery.  
If you like Buffy don't read this. If you hate her from her dyed blonde hair to her boney legs then read it.  
  
The Bronze was pumping with the loud music of Dingoes Ate My Baby, and the freshman students were lounging around on the many chairs.   
Buffy walked in looking depressed as usual, she slumped next to Willow who was watching Oz playing on stage.  
"What's up Buff'" She asked  
" I'm missing Angel, and I hate Parker." She whined  
"Don't worry..YEAHY OZ….there are plenty more fish in the sea." Willow replied half-heartedly.  
"What's wrong Willow, Oz is more important than our friendship isn't he!" Buffy exclaimed.  
There was a long silence, Willow looked at the floor.  
" I'll take that as a yes then." Buffy sniffed and walked out, the minute her under weight figure has left Willows head shot up and she beamed ecstatically as she cheered Oz on.  
Buffy walked home moping, all she did these days was mope, whine or say stupid phrases that no-one is really interested in. She got in and found a message from Willow on her machine.  
"Sorry about before Buff, but..well…you've ruined my life, I had great prospects in any university in America but no..I had to stay in Sunnydale, a hell mouth, just to keep you company. Oz takes your no good ex a ring of immortality and what does he do..he destroys it! Then he becomes human so he could be with you and what does he do? He reverses it so he's not human any more. We're only friends with you out of loyalty and the fear that you'll turn doo lally like Faith and kill us all! You've destroyed my life and my youth and I hate you."  
Buffy sat down on her bed in shock. She couldn't believe Willow would say something like that. It just wasn't like her. It can't be her, something must be wrong. She grabbed her coat and ran down to the Bronze. Xander was walking along the street, upon seeing Buffy he looked down and sped up.  
"Xander!! Xander hi!!" Buffy called out and ran up to him.  
"Oh..hey Buff', didn't see you there." He smiled weakly.  
"Yes, yes you did. Why were you ignoring me?" she frowned  
"Because you're a…flake, a blonde bimbo, a smirking giggling I'm so tough really fluffy ball!" Xander shouted, " I don't like you, no-one likes you, you nearly got me killed on many occasions and I ended up in pain on many occasions too! If I hadn't met you I wouldn't have been up a certain creek without a paddle all those times."  
"But I've saved your life too!" She exclaimed  
"You endangered it in the first place, didn't save me getting slammed, crushed, bounced, punched, scratched and knocked out though did you!"  
"But I..I" she stammered but Xander just sighed and walked away. "Xander!" she called, but he didn't look back.  
Buffy dragged one foot after the other as she trudged back to her dorm, it began to rain.  
"Perfect." She thought miserably. She wandered towards the grave yard,  
" A spot of slaying will cheer me up." She smiled slightly. The graveyard was cold and empty. No ghosts, ghouls, vampires or demons.  
"Why?" she burst into tears and fell to her knees in the wet grass. She didn't notice someone creep behind her and smack and iron bar into the back of her head knocking her unconscious.  
When Buffy opened her eyes she was in a dark cellar, rainwater dripped in thought the ceiling from the floor above, regaining feeling through her body she realized her hands were manacled to the wall. She wriggled for a short while but it was fruitless, then she heard footsteps approaching.  
A man walked into the room, she'd never seen him before. He smiled wickedly and said,  
"Are you scared of me?"  
"No!" she retorted savagely  
"Would you like to be?" and without giving her a chance to reply his face changed into a demon face, spiny and red. His teeth were white and sharp like shards of broken glass. He leaned in closer but not close enough for her to head butt him.   
"Now it's your choice, we can do this the easy way, or the hard way." He smiled again. Buffy wriggled again but couldn't get free.  
"Do what?" she gasped.  
He bared his teeth and with a snort of effort ripped her skirt off. She shrieked but no-one could hear.  
"Easy way, or hard way?" he repeated.  
  
Buffy wanted to say  
"Neither!" and kick him into or through the wall, or even quip her favourite line, which everyone else thought corny, "Allow me to introduce myself, I'm Buff, you're history." But she couldn't move her arms or her legs. Her arms chained above her head to the wall and her legs chained apart making her into the human letter Y.  
"EASY way or HARD way!!" he yelled loudly into her face making her turn her head away as his breath was so bad. She screwed up her eyes to avoid him but then she felt his tongue across her face.  
"You'll never get away with this." She sobbed pathetically but he didn't reply, she felt him pull her jeans off and she heard the rip of the material of the rest of her clothes. Strongly the first thought in her mind was "They were designer clothes"  
She felt her own hot tears pour down her face as he took her again and again with no care or passion just simple, pure animal lust. Through the night he left her, cold and naked only to return later to take her again.  
When the sun rose the next morning she hoped against hope he would be gone and this would end.  
"I'm not a vampire!" he smirked reading her thoughts; it was the first English she'd heard him use for hours.  
"Let me go please!" she sobbed pathetically struggling, weak and hungry against the cold iron chains.  
"Of course, would I do anything less!" he cackled and pulled a lever, at first the floor under her fell open on hinges dangling her splayed, one leg attached to each door her arms still pinioned to the wall behind her. Yelping in pain she couldn't even struggle as her limbs were being stretched to breaking point.   
"Almost gone." He sighed happily at her squeals of torment. "But I can't let you go without a parting gift!" his bared teeth boded no good to the suspended Buffy. Pulling a flaming torch off the wall he advanced towards her chuckling wickedly.  
"What are you going to do?" she gasped as the iron sank deeper into her skin. Spinning round in a showy move he thrust the torch at her groin, she screamed in pure agony and the smell of burnt hair and flesh filled the air. With a final peal of spine chilling laughter he flung the torch into a pile of straw, pulled a second lever and the chains opened dropping her down a deep chasm. The pains she had suffered washed over her in wave after wave of fiery despair and suffering until she hit the murky muddy waters of the sewage pit.   
Fighting her way to the surface her blood drained limbs were as weak as a new born's and she almost drowned. But reaching air at last she coughed up the vile and putrid waste and excrement. She swam to an opening in the wall and climbed through, it didn't reach the outside as she had hoped but it was in fact a sewage inlet and a couple of gallons of unidentifiable sludge hit her full in the face pushing her back into the scum below. Forcing her exhausted body onward she at last found a way out into the open air. It smelt sweet and fresh compared to the sewers. She staggered back to Sunnydale and collapsed in an alleyway more dead than alive.   
Hearing footsteps behind her she leapt to her feet and faced the on comer, she couldn't see very well as her hair was clogged and stringy before her eyes. A pale hand grabbed her thought and she feebly hit at it until it let go. Then as she prepared to attack she heard a familiar rough English accent of Spike, as he stepped out of the shadows it confirmed this.   
"It seems the slayer is in a bit of trouble, can't kick my @$$ very well now can you!" he laughed and then suddenly turning serious punched her into the wall.  
Standing up shakily with the will power of a slayer hell bent on pretending to be cute until it's disgusting and the urge to destroy all vampires with personality she lunged at Spike again.  
He caught her a sickening blow to the head knocking her to the floor. He brought his foot up quickly and there was a crunch as her weird little nose was badly broken. Groaning she tried to get up but he pushed her down with one foot pinning her effortlessly to the wet floor.  
"Well slayer, get out of this one!"  
Buffy was racking her brains thinking of how she could escape when Spike crushed her head like a ripe watermelon squirting her tiny brain all over the alley.   
"Ah well, you win some you lose some." Spike shrugged his shoulders and walked away vanishing into the night.  
  
"Seen Buffy lately?" Willow asked in school the next day. "I'm a bit worried."  
"I'm not." Oz murmured reading a magazine.  
"Well I am." Giles frowned, "She may be a bimbo with the educational capacity of a flea and the flirting skills of a horny hippo but she's still the slayer."  
"Yeah, and with Faith in a coma we need her to defend the forces of good!" Willow chirped.  
Xander walked in with a newspaper looking grim.  
"Don't want to burst the 'Buffy's not here' party bubble but read this." He handed over the paper to Giles who positioned his glasses and peered at the newspaper.  
"Good grief!" he exclaimed, " look!!" he held up the newspaper to the others who read the headline.  
  
GIRL FOUND HEADLESS IN BACKSTREETS  
  
"So where's Buffy?" Willow asked.  
"I'd have thought the headline would have given you a clue even if the sub heading says 'Buffy Summers killed'." Giles sighed  
"So what'll we do?" Willow cried out "Buffy's dead.."  
Xander pulled a bottle of champagne out from his ruck sack  
"I know!"  
"..but now we don't have a slayer!" she finished  
"but we have champagne!!" Xander exclaimed.  
Then the phone rang, Giles answered it.  
"Hello?"  
"Hello it's Angel."  
"Oh, have you heard?"  
"Yes, that's why I'm calling. Wesley and Cordellia and I have decided we should get together and have the BIGGEST damn party money can buy!!"  
"Agreed, and you can help do some slaying until another slayer shows up."  
"As long as Buffy is six feet under it's no problem!!"  
So they all had a HUGE party and danced 'til dawn through the graveyard joined by demons and vampires who pranced with glee at the death of Buffy!!  
"Fantastic!!!"  
  
The End!  
  



End file.
